Having Difficult Conversations
Even with the best plans and intentions, there are times when collaborations do not work out and you must have difficult conversations. When you find yourself in this predicament, it will be necessary to schedule a meeting and talk through the problem. You or your collaborator may lose interest in the project, there could be disagreements about the plan, or there is a situation where one party is using their position of power in an abusive manner or disrespecting their partner. It is important to remember to care for and protect yourself from harm. In these situations, you must weigh the costs of discontinuing your work or sticking with the project and letting the situation continue. If you are working with a large group and are not the leader, approach the leader about the problem.
Before you discontinue the collaboration, consider these questions:
- Have you had an honest conversation with your collaborator? If you haven’t had an open and constructive conversation about what isn’t working for you, you could potentially be blindsiding them, and it may be worth it to work on this first before ending the collaboration.
- Is the issue a matter of different types of working styles? Is there a way you could find common ground?
- How far along are you in the project? If you are almost done, you may want to finish it and choose to not work with that collaborator again in the future.
Here are a few tips for approaching difficult conversations:
- Ask yourself what you are feeling and why. Is the problem caused by the collaborator or is it a personal issue? If you decide it is related to the collaboration, write down your feelings. You don’t need a script, but you can write down notes to help you clearly articulate your concerns.
- Tell the person in advance why you are scheduling a meeting. No one likes to be caught off guard. Let them know you are scheduling a time to chat because of a concern that you have regarding the project.
- Be direct in the conversation. State exactly what you feel and what the problem is.
- Listen to the other person. After you have stated your concern, let them respond without interrupting.
- End the conversation with a plan. Either you are discontinuing the collaboration or you will continue on conditions that you both agree upon. Ending a collaboration does not have to be negative or considered a failure.
- Even if you end the collaboration, if you hope to continue the relationship, it may be worth using this conversation as a way for you both to provide constructive feedback to one another. If something wasn’t working, how would you recommend this person do it differently in the future and why? What kinds of things would you need to successfully work with this person on a project in the future?
Consider the following reflection questions as you prepare for a challenging conversation. First, reflect on a past situation that was difficult or challenging. For example, maybe you had a group project that did not work out, or a situation at your job that required you to manage a conflict. With this in mind, answer the following questions:
- How did you feel about the situation? Why did you feel this way?
- What would you do differently now after reading more about managing difficult conversations?
- Review this guide, “How to Have Difficult Conversations.” Think about a strategy that may help you prepare for a difficult conversation. How do you think the information you learned in this lesson will help you manage future conflicts?
Topic 3 References
Biden School of Public Policy & Administration: Institute for Public Administration. “A Guide to Having Difficult Conversations.” Accessed June 1, 2023. https://www.bidenschool.udel.edu/ipa/content-sub-site/Documents/CRP/difficult-conversations-guide.pdf?csf=1&e=6MJBHE
The Research Whisperer. “When Research Collaborations Go Bad.” Accessed June 1, 2023. https://researchwhisperer.org/2016/07/19/when-research-collaborations-go-bad/
Having Difficult Conversations
Even with the best plans and intentions, there are times when collaborations do not work out and you must have difficult conversations. When you find yourself in this predicament, it will be necessary to schedule a meeting and talk through the problem. You or your collaborator may lose interest in the project, there could be disagreements about the plan, or there is a situation where one party is using their position of power in an abusive manner or disrespecting their partner. It is important to remember to care for and protect yourself from harm. In these situations, you must weigh the costs of discontinuing your work or sticking with the project and letting the situation continue. If you are working with a large group and are not the leader, approach the leader about the problem.
Before you discontinue the collaboration, consider these questions:
Here are a few tips for approaching difficult conversations:
Consider the following reflection questions as you prepare for a challenging conversation. First, reflect on a past situation that was difficult or challenging. For example, maybe you had a group project that did not work out, or a situation at your job that required you to manage a conflict. With this in mind, answer the following questions:
Topic 3 References
Biden School of Public Policy & Administration: Institute for Public Administration. “A Guide to Having Difficult Conversations.” Accessed June 1, 2023. https://www.bidenschool.udel.edu/ipa/content-sub-site/Documents/CRP/difficult-conversations-guide.pdf?csf=1&e=6MJBHE
The Research Whisperer. “When Research Collaborations Go Bad.” Accessed June 1, 2023. https://researchwhisperer.org/2016/07/19/when-research-collaborations-go-bad/